Today is a good day.

My Nuggie fixed me up with an eye appt. that I've been meaning to get but never did. I had lunch with a good friend that I haven't seen in ages and a meeting I attended this morning went over better than I would have expected. Isn't life great?

Funny story--yesterday a co-worker and I were walking out to our cars for lunch. We're both softies and love nature so when this cute little nestling bird was out on the pavement we walked over to it to ooohhh and ahhhh over its cuteness.

This little bird was barely out of the nest and wouldn't fly away when we approached so we assumed it was hurt or something. When we were seriously within 1' of the thing, it flew straight up in the air so again we were like "oh, how sweet". Well, the little bugger flew right at our heads! We had to duck out of the way with our hands over our head for protection. Was it finished? Heck no, it did this dive landing like some dodo bird does and then flies up again straight at us. Well, sweet murmurings soon turned into "that crazy bird needs to learn how to fly!" It reminded me of a race. The first few laps are give and take or the "ooohhhs and ahhhs" parts but the last laps are the "You $#%^&@ --learn to drive!".

Anyway, it was pretty fun and I got a laugh out of the sitch afterwards. My co-worker was just worried about dookey in her hair while I feared for my life!

So here's my deep thought:

“I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.”--Jack Handy

What a great day!

Although I have been known to be sarcastic, I am being perfectly straight with the above statement. Ever have those days when you are constantly putting out fires at work? That was my day yesterday and today. However, other than being grumpy and fed up with the issues--I thrive on them. The excitement of being told that my agency will be sued and the immediate reports that should be generated (by me, of course) seriously gets my blood pumping and I feel good! As opposed to the other days when I'm bored stiff out of my mind by monotonous paper-clip counting. (not eating--just counting!)

In honor of my hard working ethics, I chose this deep thought--

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't necessarily think it means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

So true, so true.

I really don't have anything to post about today because yesterday I went home after work, ate dinner and took a nap. Yes, that was the extent of my day. Pretty wonderful, huh?

So...since I am so boring I'll post about my nephew. Jordan is anything but boring. My sister, who is normally a stay at home mom to 2 children, took a temporary job for a week. During this week, Jordan's mam-maw watched him and my niece, Kaitlyn. Jordan is 3 and Kaitlyn is 8. So, I'm talking to my sister and she mentions that Jordan had a mishap at mam-maws. "What happened?", I asked. Following is my version of the conversation with Jordan:

Me: Jordan, what did you do today?
Jordan: I swallowed a rock.
Me: A ROCK? Why would you SWALLOW a rock?
Jordan: I was bored.
Me: You were bored so you swallowed a rock? Why not go outside and play with the dogs?
Jordan: I don't know.

*sigh* I can't wait for the day that might happen to me and my kids but until then---God Bless my sister.

I also have some funny Kaitlyn stories that I'll have to post about when my life turns especially boring.

Today's quote:

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

With crazy kids like my niece and nephew that one is fitting!

Happy Monday morning to you!

That doesn't sound like my typical Monday grumpy Garfield greeting but I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I got up early and exercised on the elliptical, the gazelle and the exercise ball. I weighed in and hadn't lost a darn pound but such is life...

First and foremost, let me congratulate Jeff Gordon on his 9th road course win this Sunday. That was an awesome, not to mention much needed, win. Also, congrats on his engagement. I know it finally happened because he heard that I married a couple of weeks ago and since I'm now off the market, he got tired of waiting and asked Ingrid instead. That's ok--I found my man.

This weekend I participated in our agency's corporate cup events. I did Shot Put (just call me Helga) and was going to do Tug O' War but we lacked a few people to make that happen. I'm happy to say that I am STILL the reigning Division III women's shot put champion. 2 years in a row and I think I did better this year than I did last year even.

Here's my thought for today--not really a SNL one but an original:

If you call in sick on Monday, is Tuesday still a Monday type of day or is it really Tuesday?

I think I'll ponder that and maybe try it soon just to test it out.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself, "mankind". Basically it's made up of two separate words, "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

So this is kind of how I'm feeling today. Philosophical. Why am I here kinda thing? I think it's because I'm really tired and feeling blah. It stormed really badly and I didn't sleep great. Plus I watched Saw 2 right before bed and that weirded me out with the eyeball that I can't quit comparing to my spaghetti with meat dinner last night. **PUKE**

Other than that...it's just the same ol' junk but only on a Friday which makes it tolerable.

Tag--I'm it!! Since John tagged me and I have to respond to all tags, here goes.

5 things in my fridge
Crystal Light Lemonade
Turkey Kielbasa
Light String Cheese
Minced Garlic
Salsa

5 things in my closet
Skeletons
A plethora of clothing--in all sizes!
About 34 pairs of shoes
A old TV stand for additional storage that really fits quite nicely in there
A flower arrangement on same said TV stand for purely aesthetic reasons.

5 things in my handbag
Everything but the kitchen sink which is way more than 5 items. Seriously, it's like a suitcase.

Five things in my car
Burned CD's of some of the greatest songs ever!
Umbrella
Change
Box of junk in the trunk. (What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?) Courtesy of the Black Eyed Peas-which is one of the songs on the burned CD mentioned above.

Well, that's about it. I really do like sharing those cute little emails going around where you have to list your favorite ice cream flavor or your choice of a deserted island or Atlantic City. Makes me feel young again!

Oh yeah...today's "Deep Thought":


I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes. Hey, better try the emergency brake.

I find that seriously funny. But I'm like that. Just this morning John was in the bathroom and it was like 6:45 am and I have some of that bubble wrap stuff that cracks really loud when squeezed--so of COURSE I had to scare the daylights out of him with it. So I run and jump into the bathroom with all the stealth of a linebacker in ballet slippers, all the while cracking this loud stuff. The expression was to die for. That's the kind of thing I live for. God bless John and his heart.

OK, so I'm back from a much needed vacation. Since my new HUSBAND, yes I got married over the same much needed vacation I mentioned above, has chronicled it to such a great extent in his blog--I'm going to simply link to it. So here's John's account of our vacation to the Pocono Mountains-- John's Blog.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable, until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!

OK, I picked this gruesome quote because I did, in fact, eat a nectarine for breakfast this morning. But now I'm a little sick and feeling pukey but nonetheless, the quote will remain since no other deep thought seemed to satisfy the moment in my mind.

Thanks for the comments to all who left them.

OK--so you can tell from my blog title approximately how old I am and where my mind is most of the time. All you SNL fans out are hearing me.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair, and get so bummed out that I just quit my job, and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

And now that I've created this blog I'm wondering two things.

1--What in the world will I fill it with other than old SNL quotes that imitate most of the things running through my head at any given moment?

and

2--I'm leaving for a one week vacation today and know I won't post on the blog for a few days so why not wait until I returned to start one?

Such are the deep thoughts of Juanita.